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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the safe haven of your Daily, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and key events, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to find out that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room a little too literally, and was rescued from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli popped into a local college for toilet purposes in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking through the school acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team following a short conversation within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|